This past weekend I hosted a surprise anniversary party for my sister and brother-in-law. I was happy to do so and honored that her kids, who were doing the planning and paying the bills, thought of our home for this event. I love to decorate and even have a little side business making decor, etc. However, as the event date came closer and closer, I found myself second guessing my decorating decisions. Not the big ones like wall color, etc. but my pictures, the way I filled my shelves, the artwork.
I like my home. It makes me happy. I have lots of color, lots of antiques, lots of nature items, lots of whimsical things like these.
It makes me smile. But . . . . . . . . . . . .
I was having a lot of people over that had never been there before.
There were people coming that I didn’t know.
It was a lot of couples so I knew I’d have more men in the mix.
Would they think my things were “classy” enough? Would it feel juvenile? I fixed and fussed and re-arranged several different areas. My daughters reassured me that people love my home. I stilled felt the angst. Eventually, partly because I ran out of time, I had to just go with what it was. And, of course it was fine. I even had people give compliments on my home.
Why? Why? Why?
Why do we second guess ourselves? As I stewed over this I thought of all the young moms (and some of the dads) that have shared with me their angst over raising their children. They don’t know enough about early childhood. They don’t know the latest discipline strategies. They sometimes lose their temper and fear those are the moments that their children will remember. In other words, they “fuss with and re-arrange” their parenting decisions. Why?
Trudie Perkins has been having fun recently watching a couple of foxes in her yard. The foxes have a few babies under her porch. She’s enjoying watching the little ones begin exploring the outside. Let’s face it, they are adorable.
But, she’s also talked a lot about how impressive the adult foxes are in how they do things. They have a natural instinct for keeping their little ones safe. One will venture out for food while the other stays on “duty” with the little ones. They check for danger before re-entering the area so as not to bring a predators’ attention to the babies. They do other things too but this is enough to make my point.
They trust their instincts!
In this day and age of blogs, information sites, facebook posts, etc. I believe young parents have a hard time recognizing their own instincts, let alone following them. Many parenting decisions can be a matter of figuring out what works for YOU! Try to listen to your inner most self. Your gut. What works for your family, your situation, your kids and your values is what works for you. It’s okay if you do things differently than your best friend or your neighbor. It’s okay if you take cues from how you were raised. It’s okay. Stop the “fussing and rearranging” and trust yourself.
Alida, a young mother and blogger (the realistic moma) wrote about this from a young parents’ perspective.